A VACUUM CLEANER SALESMAN KNOCKED ON MY DOOR. BEFORE I SPOKE HE TIPPED A BUCKET OF DOG SHIT OVER MY CARPET AND SAID, 'IF THIS VACUUM DOESN'T REMOVE EVERY TRACE OF IT I'LL PERSONALLY EAT WHAT'S LEFT.' I REPLIED, 'I HOPE YOU'RE HUNGRY BECAUSE THEY CUT OFF MY ELECTRIC THIS MORNING!'